Hello, I'm Guilty, Let Me Show You My Shame

I feel like I've done something terribly bad today, I just feel guilty and miserable, I might know why, I might not. I was dishonest, I lied about a couple of things, I misplaced something and I decided not to take responsibility and instead lied about it. How do you make up for something you've done wrong after you have done it and realized it was wrong, Who do you talk to in this situation, How do you set it right.
Do you do something to compensate for it, even if it has nothing to do with what you've done wrong? Does the universe even work that way any more?
Maybe I should have just gone to work today and sucked it up, instead of staying home and working on things I felt I needed to do to make myself happy. I am failing as a human being, I am certainly not proud of myself, and I hope sometime in the near future I can set things right with the world at large.
I lost the poetry slam because I was not as good as the other poets, and that is something I have to live with, and work on. This is my Blog of Repentance, I still feel dirty.
Thank you for your support ( even if I don't deserve it),
Rick Cork

A flier for a band,( I live with the bass player, she is my girlfriend)

"Look out that window Sally, that is where everything dies. We are safe in here. We will never leave here, I promise."

I was born and then you died

Look, I'm sorry that I have not been here much doing what it is that you love me to do. I'm a very bury guy and frankly I can't make time like I used to. I just want you people to know that I care for you deeply and hopefully we will meet again someday, even if it is in hell, or heaven, or some other imaginary place full of wonderful--or horrible thngs--and I take comfort in knowing that either way you will be there with me, all of you son-of-a-bitches.
Also I won fifth place in a poetry slam, I really blew it and I am disappointed in myself, so much so that I have been told by a doctor that I shallnever smile the same way again. Maybe I can take this as an oppurtunity to improve myself, use it as a stepping stone, or a building block, or maybe I could just hold a grudge and go through the rest of my life believing that my short comings are always someone elses fault. It's a tough choice, and I am not setting anything in stone as of yet, though I will admit that I am leaning toward the grudge side just because I have been being to forgiving and generous with other people lately, and I kind of think I should even it out a little bit, too much good Karma just seems boring to me. So grudge it is.
Thank you for your support,
The-ever-lovin'-brownd-eyed-Rick (Cork)

Some pictures from a book about a little girl.

I can feel it coming in the air tonight...

Today is my last day as a twenty five year old man. Tomorrow I will become a ripe old man of twenty six. Twenty five is really going out on a bad note, this would be the definition of a shitty day, not a good way to end what started out as a good year. As I look out into the horizon of what is to come I see sadness, a big long sadness. I can feel it crawling out in the back of my throat, and I will accept it and live with it and deal with this sadness accordingly. I have never been able to escape this feeling, it just follows me along, my sad little shadow that every once in awhile jumps on my crooked little back and lets me know that goddamit it is here to stay for a bit. It's a little like the cliched monkey on the back, only less obtrusive, it is just always there, just a little bit there, whether you are fully aware of its presence or not. Today I am aware, and i accept it for what it is, something that will pass, slowly, but surely. I don't mind it, it's something to do and deal with, not like I don't have enough on my plate already, but hell I'm an American, and we love love us a fucking full plate.
Thank you for your support,(I missed you all)
Rick Cork

hggff

yoyou

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